Chemo is Done!!!!

Last Tuesday was my last chemo! It's been a long week, but knowing this is the last time around makes me want to jump up and down even if I don't feel like it right now. When I got home on Tuesday, the kids and my other parents (in-laws) had decorated the whole house with streamers and balloons and flowers and sang "Happy Last Chemo Day to You!" It was too cute! Although I still have the surgery and radiation to go through, I am walking on sunshine right now. I am so happy to be done with the chemicals and the instant I was done I thought, "Oh, good. Now, I can get back to being myself again". I am setting myself some goals and making plans to reach them. I have talked to so many cancer survivors who say that this whole experience really changes who they are and their perspectives on life. Although no one would ever want to go through it, they say it can actually be a blessing. I was not convinced. I am usually too cynical to think that I could actually be changed profoundly just by being sick. Well, I do admit that I have changed a little.

I don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore. I have really noticed that I don't care so much about getting the best deal on something or saving a dime or worrying about spending too much on a gift, I just think, "What the hell, it's only money. You can't take it with you." I also don't worry so much about the things I cannot do or change, like all of those functions you should attend or chores you should get done but don't. You can only do what you can do. Running yourself ragged trying to keep up with everyone else's agenda will only make you into a crazy person. All you can do is all you can do.

I think I am better with the kids. Chris said he has noticed that I spend more quality time playing and listening to them. We have even turned the TV off for the past 2 weeks! It has been nice to sit and LISTEN to the kids and PLAY games with them and just WATCH them. I am more likely to stop what I'm doing to play a game or watch them perform some death-defying stunt or even involve them in my projects. Watching them play and listening to their little conversations is so entertaining and I am sad to think that I was probably missing out on a lot of that before because I was worried about my to-do lists! I hope I don't fall back into that routine when school starts!

My kids have changed, too. They are all very thoughtful of me and make sure to tell me that even though I'm bald, they still love me (Mary says that! I guess she doesn't realize that being bald doesn't bother me as much as she thinks it does!). The big kids have really been funny about their perspectives. One day I was fussing about my eyes watering, a side effect of chemo, and Rebecca said, "Well, mom. At least you're not blind!". I said, "Good point. Thanks for putting it in perspective!" They have become so understanding about not getting to do everything they want to do. If I can't read Harry Potter to Alex one night because my mouth hurts, he says, "Oh, that's OK, Mama. I understand. I'll read to you tonight." If we can't go to the pool because I have a rash or am feeling sick, they say, "Oh, that's OK. Can we go in the sprinklers?" They can ADAPT AND OVERCOME. They are realizing they are not the center of the universe and are much more likely to think of others! What a great lesson for them to learn!

Chris and I haven't changed much. We are still crazy about each other! He is my knight-in-shining armor and I know that he will love me through anything now that I've seen him love me through this (swollen face, no hair, bad moods, wimp-bag!). I know that I may never be able to show him my love in the same ways he's shown me through this, but I am going to spend the rest of my life showing him how much I adore him. I know. . . as my kids say, "Yuck! Barf me out!"

We are having fun planning for all of our fall activities. It is great to look forward to school and parties and trips and Thanksgiving and Christmas without the fog of chemo to hang over it all. I still have surgery and radiation to contend with but I know they will be a pebble in the road compared to chemo.

The Pink Carpet Premeire of our "A Calendar to Live By" will be on October 2nd. I am looking forward to it and hope I have a little bit of hair by then. It may not be enough to show up. Maybe I'll dye it pink for the night :)

Beyond Boobs Calendar Sponsorship

To my awesome family and friends,

I know times are tough, but I wanted to let you know about an opportunity to support a great club that nobody wants to join. It's a club that welcomed me even though I didn't want to need them. Beyond Boobs! Inc. is a support group for young women with breast cancer. It's sad to say that our "club" is growing and we support many young women through their diagnosis, treatment and recovery. Our non-profit organization is dedicated to saving lives by increasing breast health awareness in women of all ages and nurturing young women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I can't tell you what a blessing it has been to have a supportive group of ladies my age to help me through this process.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I will be featured in "A Calendar to Live By", a very special project to save lives by increasing breast health awareness in all women. If you would like to help by sponsoring this educational, artistic, and uplifting calendar of young breast cancer survivors, please follow this link:

http://www.beyondboobsinc.org/sponsorship_opportunities.htm

There are many levels of sponsorship available. If you would like to see last year's calendar, please follow this link: http://www.beyondboobsinc.org/calendar.htm

If you would like to BUY-A-DAY in honor or memory of a loved one, the cost is $50. Your loved one's name will be printed on the chosen day (first come, first served). Please follow this link for more details: http://www.beyondboobsinc.org/buyaday.htm

THE DEADLINE FOR THESE OPPORTUNITIES IS FAST APPROACHING. PLEASE ACT SOON IF YOU'D LIKE TO PARTICIPATE. (I should have put this out sooner, but alas, I did not. )

Almost done with Chemo!

I know it's been too long since my last post. Sometimes, I'm just not sure what to say. I have finished 7/8 treatments and am doing pretty well. My last treatment is August 12th! I can't wait for chemotherapy to be done. I will feel like it's all down hill from there. The steroids and chemotherapy cause all kinds of interesting side effects as I mentioned in the last entry and I will be so glad to get them out of my system. I am scheduled for surgery on September 12th. Since the tumors have shrunk so much with the chemotherapy, my surgeon is recommending a lumpectomy with radiation. Although I am not looking forward to the radiation, I know it is necessary. The surgery should be easy and I will get 4 weeks of break before the radiation starts. The radiation therapy takes place Monday through Friday for 5-6 weeks! That'll be challenging.

The summer has been going good. We have had lots of help from family and friends for each round of chemo. Our friends have been making sure that we are always fed with meals during to week of chemo. They are always dee-licious! I also got my freezer stocked by my Fiendette sisters from our assignment in Korea. They organized a meal program long distance. I have some awesome friends! The kids are doing well with vacation bible school, Girl Scout camp, Civil War Camp, trips to Grannie's, and various other outings and activities. I am also keeping them up-to-date on their school work as much as possible with worksheets and computer math and letter writing. My mother's helper, our teenage neighbor, has been a great help this summer. She plays with the kids, makes lunch, does the dishes, picks up toys, etc., while I am able to exercise or go to the doctor or just rest if I need to.

I have had some interesting Bald Lady experiences since my last post. First of all, I posed for the Beyond Boobs calendar. I will be the only bald lady in it so I hope I look good. It will be released on October 2nd and I can't wait to see it. Next, I am being interviewed and featured on the cover of the Daily Press (Hampton Roads newspaper) September-October Healthy Living Insert. They will be interviewing several of my Beyond Boobs friends and me for a Breast Cancer awareness article. I am on the cover because they wanted someone that was willing to pose bald. Yes, baldness is my look of choice these days. I get a lot of strange looks and attention, but I also get lots of support and encouragement. The reason I have chosen to leave the wigs and scarves at home is because I just feel the most comfortable this way. Not just physically more comfortable (cooler, less itchy), but also mentally more comfortable. I just never feel like myself in my wigs and scarves and hats. I do wear a hat if I'm going to be out in the sun (I sure don't need freckles on my head). I have to admit that it's getting harder to go bald now that my eyelashes are thinnning and my face is often swollen. I don't look like myself at all. I have been a little down about that. But, this too shall pass. I have lots of cool earrings and have been experimenting with my makeup, too. Hopefully, my photo shoot on Tuesday will be flattering. I hope it will inspire other women who are losing their hair. Not that they should go bald, but that being bald is only as terrible as you let it be. And it's only hair! I am constantly amazed by the people that come up and say, "You go girl!". I have one little lady who just loves my "hair-do" and says I look ETHNIC :) She always compliments my earrings! The other day I was at the bookstore checking out when a nice, older bald man approached me and asked to have his picture taken with me. He said he just thought I was so cool and wanted to put the picture on his website. He owns his own business and gives 10% of his proceeds to charity. Maybe I can coax him to donate it to Beyond Boobs! Today, I was at the grocery store when this little old lady came up and told me she liked my hair-do and wanted to know why I did it. She said that she had lost a lot of hair due to blood thinners and was wearing a wig. She said she had seriously considered going to get her hair shaved really short that morning because she was so hot and itchy, but she wasn't sure she should do it. Then, she saw me and said that my boldness inspired her and she thinks it's all about what's on your face and if you smile and look nice it doesn't matter what your hair looks like. Wow. Just when I'm feeling crappy about myself I get a boost like that. God works in mysterious ways.

Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!

HICCUP! HICCUP! HICCUP!

Who knew that really strong hiccups could be so annoying and distressing? Every time I eat or drink, I get terrible hiccups that are so strong they almost make me ill. Sometimes I get them at night too and actually wake up Chris. The kids think they're funny!!!

MOON FACE

So I'm on this extremely high dose steroid regimine to help with reactions to the chemo. It is 4-5 times more potent than Prednisone and I take mega-doses of it. It gives me lots of interesting side effects, but the weirdest one is "moon face". I kept noticing that my cheeks look fat. Chris said it wasn't THAT noticeable, but did look like I was keeping food in my cheeks. That in addition to a red face and neck, make me look like a harvest moon :)

ADHD

OK, I love mulit-tasking. I pride myself on being able to do lots of things at once where as my husband can't even talk on the phone unless he's sitting down in a quiet room. I have lists of all of the projects and plans that fill my brain on a daily basis so I can get them organized (and maybe accomplished). BUT, chemobrain is a real phenomenon that has just kicked into high gear. With the steroids and the chemo, I am really losing it! Sometimes, when I'm feeling slightly energetic I will start a task like unloading the dishwasher. I'll get about half of the top rack done and think, "Oh, I need to write some appointments on the calendar before I forget". So I'll dart over and start filling in all kinds of things that I need to remember. Then I'll notice that we need to take out the recycling so I'll haul it into the garage. Then I'll notice that we need more water and will go sit at the computer to order some water to be delivered. While I'm at it I'll check my e-mail and get distracted with that. Then, I'll eventually wander back to the kitchen to see that the dishwasher is still standing open waiting to be finished!!! Ahhh! Now, I'm too tired to do it!

I'M NOT CRYING!

I've become one of those little old ladies who carries a wadded up tissue in her hand. My eyes are constantly watering to the point of making them blurry. I have to dab them or they actually start streaming down my face! I believe it's actually because they are dry and my eyes are trying to compensate by over-producing tears.

I'M FEELING HOT, HOT, HOT!

And not in a good way! Hot flashes suck! There you are just sitting there comfortably watching a movie on the sofa or trying to go to sleep when all of a sudden you get extremely hot and start sweating profusely! Yes, even your bald head is glistening with sweat. You reach for the nearest piece of paper ot frantically fan yourself thinking you can beat the flash before you actually start dripping, but alas, no. Now, my poor children have become the fan patrol as they are constantly asked to get up and turn the fan on or off depending on whether I'm having a hot flash or not. They actually don't seem to mind and in fact, laugh at me every time I ask them to do it.

MAKE-UP TIPS FROM RAGGEDY ANN

Yes, I'm finally starting to lose my eyelashes and eyebrows. It really is more distressing than losing your hair because although you can color in your eyebrows to some degree, you can't do anything about those dang eyelashes. You can use lots of extra eyeliner to make you look like you actually have eyes in your swollen face, but you still just don't look quite right. I've thought about drawing luscious looking eyelashes like my childhood Raggedy Ann, but I figure that would be super scary! Fake eyelashes aren't recommended due to the risk of the adhesives causes skin problems. Oh, well. For now, I still have a few. I haven't been able to wear mascara on them due to the aforementioned crying/tearing, so people will just have to get used to it (including me!).

LAYING IN BED EATING BON BONS (OR ANTACIDS!)

Ok, well, I have been pretty tired after coming off of the high dose steroids and not being able to sleep all week. On about the 3rd or 4th day after treatment, I get very tired and have a very low tolerance for activity. Even getting up to go to the bathroom or go get a drink makes my heart race and my head swim. It's especially difficult to be unable to play with the kids or make dinner (well, that's not that difficult :), but instead lay on the sofa and let someone else do those things. Things I thought I didn't care about doing (laundry, dishes, wiping butts), suddenly have become important to me (even though I still don't really want to do them). I feel like if I could make myself do those things then I wouldn't be that sick. Chris is totally awesome about everything and waits on me hand and foot. He's my knight in shining armor!


More updates to come soon with pictures!

I'm over half-way done with Chemo! My 5th of 8 sessions was on June 10th. It was a new medication called Taxotere. Although for many it is much easier to tolerate that Adriamycin ("the red devil"), for me it has been harder. I did not feel well this week. It started a few days after the infusion with body aches and shooting pains. THEN, I got a rash on my neck, chest, eyes, mouth and hands! YUK! Talk about looking scary. To top it off, I've got an infection in my mouth that makes it very hard to eat. BUT, I am starting to get better. The body aches are almost gone, the rash is getting better (lots of prednisone!) and the mouth is getting better slowly. I'm trying to be tough. It's hard sometimes. I couldn't do it without Chris. He is the most awesome support I could ever ask for. He has been my rock through every minute of this crazy thing. He's encouraged me through the baldness, doted on me when I'm puny, and even kisses me when I have a rash!

Guess what I did this weekend! I was a model in a photo shoot for a calendar. The Beyond Boobs Support group calendar for 2009. Yes, I'm going to be a calendar girl. Don't get your hopes up though, I'm not a supermodel. I did pose BALD though. I can't disclose any further details (since the whole thing is hush-hush), but I think it will be pretty cool. My hope is that it will inspire others embarking on this journey. The purpose of the calendar is to promote breast health, so remember to check yourselves monthly!!! I'll keep you all posted with the release date.

Chris and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this year (June 11th)! We were able to dump the kids off at the grandparents and escape to Washington D.C. for a short weekend trip. We had a luxurious 2 nights with shows and eating out and sleeping in and watching movies in the room. Ironically, the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure was that Saturday and as we made our way downtown to visit the monuments we saw thousands of supporters in a wave of pink flowing in and out of everywhere. I decided to go around bald (as usual) with my Beyond Boobs t-shirt. I got lots of smiles.

The summer is going good so far. I think the kids are already bored though! I hope I can make it through 3 months without pulling my hair out :) I am trying to keep them on a routine that does not involve hours of endless Spongebob Squarepants. I have employed a young lady down the street to be a Mother's Helper. She is coming over in the mornings and some afternoons to help me with the kids. Today was her first day and it really was a nice help. She kept the kids entertained, made their lunch, helped clean up and was just a nice companion. I was able to exercise, catch up on chores, make phone calls uninterrupted and even rest a little. I sat outside and watched the kids play in the slip n' slide, I gave Alex a haircut . . . Hey, I was busy today.

I think I'll go now. Chris just brought me a bowl of Peach Cobbler (thank you, Kari!!!) with ice cream. Thank you for checking in on me. I'll add a picture soon.

Bald is Freaky Lookin'!

I finished my third treatment. It was a little tougher than the last 2, but tolerable. The fatigue is supposedly cumulative. I have found that I am really tired and puny the first 5 or 6 days and then start feeling human again. It is so incredibly hard to talk myself into going back in to volunteer for the next dose of sickness. I know I need to remember that it's killing the bad stuff, but it's hard when just the sights and smells of the place make you sick. The tumors have definately shrunk so it's working! I have 5 more treatments to go. On Tuesday, I have my last dose of Adriamycin and Cytoxin which is supposed to be the harshest. Then I start another regimine for 4 more doses every 3 weeks. I should be done in the middle of August.
OK, so here is a great picture of my sister, Meredith, and me at the Williamsburg Relay for Life. We are wearing our Beyond Boobs t-shirts. Aren't they cute?! I have gone out in public a few times bald. Aside from the glare of my white head blinding innocent people, I have actually had some positive comments and smiles. I am really struggling with what to wear on my head since my wigs aren't really "me", plus they're itchy and the scarves are hot and I don't really like them. I feel most comfortable bald. I just have to get the "I don't care what people think" attitude, I guess.

Any Day With Hair is a Good Hair Day!

It's been too long since my last posting, I know. Apparently, more people check my blog for updates than I realized. If I neglect the blog in the future, please don't worry. I'm probably just being a slacker, not being sick! For the most part, things around here are much the same as always . . . chasing kids, doing chores, helping with homework, etc, etc, etc. Please don't be afraid to call and talk to us at any time. We are doing just fine and there is no need to worry about disturbing us. If we can't get to the phone, we will try to call back as soon as we can. You can also e-mail us at skookumom@hotmail.com.

My second chemo was last Tuesday. Again, it wasn't too bad. I felt pretty good that day, just a little tired. The feeling queasy and fatigued really hits the second or third day and lasts about 5 or 6 days. Luckily, I haven't had terrible nausea or vomiting. I am developing some GI irritation that causes pain with spicy foods or carbonated beverages or even extremely hot or cold drinks. So, I just have to steer clear of those items. Dang it! No more Diet Coke or salsa! Aside from that, the WORST THING IS BEING BALD! I know it means the medication is working and it's just hair, but it's still hard to look at myself in the mirror and see such a weird looking head! My hair started falling out about a week ago. After about 3 days of it, I couldn't handle it anymore. It was annoying and demoralizing, so . . . . we shaved it! Chris took the clippers to it on the backporch (but only after I shaved his first!). The kids were quite interested at first. They really like the initial mohawk. Eventually, they wandered off and played. It was quite a shock see. And what a weird feeling! I have a collection of wigs now, some borrowed and some bought. I've only worn a wig twice. Itchy!!! Scarves are more comfortable and I wear them at home. But sometimes, I just go bald in the house. The kids haven't screamed in horror yet, so I guess they're ok with it. Sometimes it just gets too hot and itchy and I can't stand it anymore. I just have to remember not to rip off my wig while I'm driving. I'm sure if someone saw that it would cause more trouble than texting while driving :)

I still have lots of support from family and friends. The meals are rolling in every other day from our wonderful friends. My mom just left after 3 weeks of laundry and dishes and general caretaking of the Davis clan. My other mom and dad (Chris's parents) are here for a few days to fill in and get some cuddling of the grandkids done. My sister arrives Saturday for a week. I know we will have a good visit. We are playing it by ear after that.

Thanks to everyone for all of your support and concern. What a blessing you all are!