Chemo is Done!!!!

Last Tuesday was my last chemo! It's been a long week, but knowing this is the last time around makes me want to jump up and down even if I don't feel like it right now. When I got home on Tuesday, the kids and my other parents (in-laws) had decorated the whole house with streamers and balloons and flowers and sang "Happy Last Chemo Day to You!" It was too cute! Although I still have the surgery and radiation to go through, I am walking on sunshine right now. I am so happy to be done with the chemicals and the instant I was done I thought, "Oh, good. Now, I can get back to being myself again". I am setting myself some goals and making plans to reach them. I have talked to so many cancer survivors who say that this whole experience really changes who they are and their perspectives on life. Although no one would ever want to go through it, they say it can actually be a blessing. I was not convinced. I am usually too cynical to think that I could actually be changed profoundly just by being sick. Well, I do admit that I have changed a little.

I don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore. I have really noticed that I don't care so much about getting the best deal on something or saving a dime or worrying about spending too much on a gift, I just think, "What the hell, it's only money. You can't take it with you." I also don't worry so much about the things I cannot do or change, like all of those functions you should attend or chores you should get done but don't. You can only do what you can do. Running yourself ragged trying to keep up with everyone else's agenda will only make you into a crazy person. All you can do is all you can do.

I think I am better with the kids. Chris said he has noticed that I spend more quality time playing and listening to them. We have even turned the TV off for the past 2 weeks! It has been nice to sit and LISTEN to the kids and PLAY games with them and just WATCH them. I am more likely to stop what I'm doing to play a game or watch them perform some death-defying stunt or even involve them in my projects. Watching them play and listening to their little conversations is so entertaining and I am sad to think that I was probably missing out on a lot of that before because I was worried about my to-do lists! I hope I don't fall back into that routine when school starts!

My kids have changed, too. They are all very thoughtful of me and make sure to tell me that even though I'm bald, they still love me (Mary says that! I guess she doesn't realize that being bald doesn't bother me as much as she thinks it does!). The big kids have really been funny about their perspectives. One day I was fussing about my eyes watering, a side effect of chemo, and Rebecca said, "Well, mom. At least you're not blind!". I said, "Good point. Thanks for putting it in perspective!" They have become so understanding about not getting to do everything they want to do. If I can't read Harry Potter to Alex one night because my mouth hurts, he says, "Oh, that's OK, Mama. I understand. I'll read to you tonight." If we can't go to the pool because I have a rash or am feeling sick, they say, "Oh, that's OK. Can we go in the sprinklers?" They can ADAPT AND OVERCOME. They are realizing they are not the center of the universe and are much more likely to think of others! What a great lesson for them to learn!

Chris and I haven't changed much. We are still crazy about each other! He is my knight-in-shining armor and I know that he will love me through anything now that I've seen him love me through this (swollen face, no hair, bad moods, wimp-bag!). I know that I may never be able to show him my love in the same ways he's shown me through this, but I am going to spend the rest of my life showing him how much I adore him. I know. . . as my kids say, "Yuck! Barf me out!"

We are having fun planning for all of our fall activities. It is great to look forward to school and parties and trips and Thanksgiving and Christmas without the fog of chemo to hang over it all. I still have surgery and radiation to contend with but I know they will be a pebble in the road compared to chemo.

The Pink Carpet Premeire of our "A Calendar to Live By" will be on October 2nd. I am looking forward to it and hope I have a little bit of hair by then. It may not be enough to show up. Maybe I'll dye it pink for the night :)