What?!

OK, first let me warn you all that I am new to this blogging thing, so don't expect an enthralling reading adventure. Second, I am using this as a sort of journal, so there may be some rambling.

This wild and crazy week of crappiness began last Tuesday, March 4, 2008. There I was, playing Barbies with Mary, when the phone rang (interrupting my fairy's speech on how to be a good princess). It was Donna, the nurse at the oncology clinic. Of course, I was surprised to hear her voice, as I had an appointment with her the following day. I was expecting to go over the results of the tests from the previous week: mammogram, ultrasound, gamma test AND core needle biopsy (the mammogram and ultrasound were "suspicious"). Well, my stomach hit the floor when she told me there was CANCER in the samples. What? Are you sure? Are you sure you didn't mix me up with some older lady with a family history? "No, can you come in today to talk?" "Uh, yeah". I walked around in a daze, crying and trying to keep my stomach from turning inside out as I played Barbies and made phone calls to Chris and a friend to babysit.

It's been a long, crappy week. Stress. Fear. Sleeplessness. Confusion. I am too young! I don't have a family history! My last doctor said it was a cyst . . . LAST YEAR! I am healthier than I've ever been! How and what do I tell the kids? Am I going to die? I have to get my scrapbooks up to date!

I feel better this week. I've talked to so many nice people and received so many words of comfort and hope. I've even made some new friends through this. Although I've never met her, Mary Beth, from Beyond Boobs has been a true lifeline. Beyond Boobs is a local support group for ladies under age 40 going through breast cancer. Since many of the issues facing younger ladies differ from those of the older ladies that frequent most support groups, this is a true blessing.

All of the nurses and doctors I've been have seen have very positive and thoughtful. I am very confident in their ability to help me through this healing process.

For now, all I know is that I have Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, this means it originated in the duct, but the cancer has begun to spread out of the ductal cells. The cells are well-defined which means they are slower growing. The pathology report shows that they estrogen receptor + and progesterone receptor +. This is good because it means they are very responsive to chemotherapy. I am scheduled for a breast MRI on March 20th which should show exactly where the cancer is and help us determine the best course of treatment. On March 31st, I am scheduled to have a lymph node test and a port placed under the skin, allowing for blood draws and medication administration without repeated needle sticks. Sounds lovely!

For now, I am waiting. Waiting to find out where it is, what it's doing and how to get it OUT! I am trying to be patient and optimistic. I am praying a lot more than usual, which is a good thing. My friends have rallied around me and I feel loved :) I know everything will be fine. I pray that I can keep my heart and mind open through this journey. Should be an interesting ride . . .